Written by ExiledRoyal

Wednesday, 3 November 2010

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image for Bush's memoirs assigned to bargain bins
Bush demonstrating how far away he wants the "slants" to be

George Dubya Bush's memoirs, Decision Cockups, due to be published next week, is set to hit the bargain bins.

An advance copy of the book arrived at the Spoof office yesterday and has already been assigned as Toilet Reading.

In the book Bush deals with a number of issues one might have assumed were of global importance, but come across as one man's mission for aggrandizement and a desire to be the "biggest willy in the changing room".

On the Iraq War he says, "...Iraqi citizens are better off without the former Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein, a homicidal dictator... I was the President of the United States, so I should know."

He also admits to having a little sicky in his mouth when WMD's could not be found. "We left no rock unstoned and no turn straightened out. Nobody was more shocked or angry than me. I was very angry. So angry that I wanted to teach that Saddam a lesson for NOT having them. So we killed a bunch of his people. That showed him."

On Dick "The Dick" Cheney Bush admits that he was like "a Rottweiler with a PCP habit" but he got the job done. "He scared the shit out of me, to be honest. Once he even threatened to shoot me but said he'd take it out on (Harry) Whittington instead."

Regarding the Hurricane Katrina disaster Bush says he felt like "the captain of a sinking ship". "All that water was just like the ocean. And I was the captain. Shame about the third class victims, but I guess that's what happens when you're Hispanic or Black and don't have enough for a lifebelt. I blame that financial mess."

Bush's book will not be available at all good book stores, but Walmart promise to give one away with every box of FruityPops on the day of its release.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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