Written by Valmerk

Thursday, 25 June 2009

image for South Carolina's Governor Marc Sanford Returns From "Land of the Lost"
I'll never tell you where I keep my portal.

What we all have been hoping for has just been confirmed by South Carolina's governor Marc Sanford. As you know, the governor recently went missing for an entire week.

He informed that he was hiking through the Appalachian mountains of North Carolina, when he stumbled upon a super secret space and time portal which lead him to a dark, mysterious land.

In an exclusive interview, Mr. Sanford told me, "It was amazing. I was riding the rapids in a boat and suddenly this huge earthquake shook the tiny raft and dropped me 1000 feet below. I broke a few nails in the fall and lost my wig, but when I came to, I knew I was going to be OK. Once there, I encountered large man eating dinosaurs, hissing aliens and strange primate people that had bad breath and even worse table manners. I found this amazing portal a couple of years ago and have been traveling back and forth ever since. They give me freqent flyer points and a snack size bag of salted pretzles during extended layovers. I use the portal whenever my job gets too stressful and feel the need to get away from it all. All the governors in this country have escape portals, you know. We're all doing it. It's not just me. Go ahead and ask them."

When this reporter told him that his story sounded just like the "Land of The Lost" movie that recently came out in movie theaters, he replied, "How could I have seen this movie or any other movie that just came out? I just told you that I was in the land of the lost for a week, you idiot! Do your pre-interview research next time, you stupid moron!"

When asked where this "amazing" space and time portal was located and if he would share it with others in need, Mr. Sanford replied. "Oh no, I can't tell you that. It's mine, and as they say, finder's keepers, losers weepers. I love my portal. I'll need it in the event that I can't patch things up with my beautiful wife. I can't stand her."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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