Yellow lights to be illegal in 2025

Funny story written by Aspartame Boy

Saturday, 27 April 2024

image for Yellow lights to be illegal in 2025
O you’ll wonder where the yellow went if the bill is signed by the President

Washington D.C. - The Yeller Wire

Secretary of Transportation Butgiggler announced today a new administration ruling to be implemented by executive order. The written statement released to the press this morning at 10:00 AM via Yeller Wire appears below.

“The National Transportation Safety Administration has just published a study showing that yellow traffic lights cause accidents.

By studying many thousands of hours of traffic cam data we determined the cause. People only brake for red lights. They often punch it to the floor when they see yellow lights and decide to make left turns, cutting off oncoming vehicles!

So all traffic lights will have their yellow lamps removed by January 1st, 2025. Any state failing to comply will have its National Guard Nationalized to tear up all asphalt roads using tanks.

Additionally anyone going through red lights will be incarcerated for no less that a year, during which time all their food will be adulterated with aspartame.”

We will cover this story as it happens.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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