Former Writer Emerges From Exile After Story Brought Murderous Threats

Funny story written by Ryan McPherson

Thursday, 11 November 2021

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The Original Reeves Story

Somewhere, USA - Former Spoof writer Brendan Shumway recently emerged from hiding nearly 2 decades after writing a story that prompted hate mail and death threats. Shumway, fearing for his life, disappeared from public view in 2004, aided by the Spoof Writer’s Protection Program.

Shumway’s infamous article, ‘Keanu Reeves Named Greatest Ever,’ appeared on the website in December 2003. The piece reported that a film organization had named Reeves the greatest actor of all time. Although it was clearly stated on the site that the story was satire, many readers accepted it as real. Anger ensued when they learned it was a joke.

Shumway says many readers did not realize it was a spoof, and he received dozens of threats after the story appeared.

“After the piece was published, I got dozens of emails from readers asking when the ceremony would be televised,” said Shumway via Zoom. “I hated to burst their bubble, but I had to tell them it was a spoof. ‘It’s satire, people - a joke,’ I told them. It’s not real.”

That’s when the threats and hate mail started.

“I couldn’t believe so many people were so enraged when they discovered the story was satire. I’m not sure if they were more pissed off that I dissed their hero, or that they fell for the spoof. Either way, they slammed me.”

Shumway, fearing for his life, went into hiding. He changed his name several times, and hung out in a series of safe houses provided by other Spoof staff writers who worked for the protection program.

“The Reeves mob wanted me dead,” said Shumway. “They promised to hunt me down, so I disappeared. I’m fortunate that I had allies at The - people who were willing to risk their lives to help a fellow writer.

After 17 years in the Spoof Writer’s Protection Program, Shumway and his advisers deemed it safe for him to reappear. Shumway intends to keep his location secret, and maintain a low profile.

“I’m back in the world, but I won’t be writing any more stories about Keanu Reeves,” said Shumway. “That old Reeves mob was a dangerous group. We are pretty sure they have calmed down after 17 years. Even so, we’ll be more careful now.

Keanu Reeves could not be reached for comment. Though it is widely believed that he does actually think he is the greatest actor of all time.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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