Last surviving American beauty queen found murdered in secluded swamp

Written by Johnny Shlep

Sunday, 25 August 2019

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On borrowed time? Definitely

Executives at America’s, ID Channel, makers of the popular, Beauty Queen Murders series of docudramas, have announced that the body of America’s last surviving beauty queen has now been discovered in an area of swampland near Tallahassee.

Since the early 1930s when beauty pageants first became popular, every successful entrant has been discovered dead at some point after taking the crown. Usually in a swampy region or a secluded beauty spot.

The longest surviving beauty queen was, Blanche Riordan from Montgomery Alabama, who made it to 32 before her body was found, partially-clothed, by a man out walking his dog in a local wooded area.

Becoming a beauty queen now carries with it a higher risk of death than tightrope-walking, bomb disposal, deep-sea fishing and walking into a Catholic bar in West Belfast, singing, The Sash My Father Wore.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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