Americans United in How Much They Hate Each Other

Funny story written by Dave Henry

Friday, 15 March 2019

image for Americans United in How Much They Hate Each Other
Can’t we all just not get along?

A new survey found that Americans are overwhelmingly united on how much they hate each other.

“People say America is a divided country, but our data shows that’s not true,” said pollster, Tom Andjerry, with Emerson College. “They are in almost complete agreement in how much they hate each other.”

Specifically, the poll shows that 98 percent of Americans agree that they hate people that think differently about politics than they do, while 96 percent hate people that think differently about religion. Further, 95 percent hate people that think differently about society and culture, while 97 percent hate people who look differently than they do.

“Everyone can agree on how much they hate each other. In these divisive times, it’s heartening to see that there are still things that we all have in common, and that we can rally around as a people,” said Andjerry. “It’s just a great big melting pot of people who cant stand one another.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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