Written by Dracula

Tuesday, 4 December 2018

image for Bill Cosby escapes prison

In the morning, a loud, shrill siren began wailing from the SCI Phoenix prison in Collegeville, Pennsylvania.

Few, if any prisoners, had ever before heard this sound in their time at SCI Phoenix. It was the escape siren in the supposedly inescapable Pennsylvania prison.

An early morning bed check revealed that Bill Cosby was missing from his cell.

In his place was a towel and clothes arranged to resemble his body sleeping under blankets, with a dummy head made from a mixture of soap, semen, toothpaste, and toilet paper, topped with real human hair taken from Cosby's head – not overly realistic, but enough to fool the guards who had checked on his cell during the night.

A friend of Cosby's, doing time at the prison, claims Cosby confided in him that he needed to escape because of an addiction to ecstasy and sleeping pills. He was having difficulties sleeping at night and needed a fix.

The prison doctor said Cosby was given medication because he felt claustrophobic in his small cell.

A massive manhunt began, involving federal agents, state and local police, coastguard boats, military helicopters and at least 100 armed troops.

"I'm terrified he might be headed to my home looking for food and water and a place to sleep" said devout lesbian, Andrea Constand, during an interview.

Since the escape, there have been reports of people seeing Cosby with two look-a-likes riding in an Oldsmobile, carrying quaaludes and headed to Vegas.

But Cosby hasn't been found – by official statement.

And so a convicted criminal becomes a folk hero.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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