Written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 2 August 2018

image for Rollercoaster Panic As Death Ride Can't Be Stopped!
They will almost certainly die on the ride

There is terror on a terrifying scale at a Florida theme park today, after a new rollercoaster ride, packed with 100 passengers, malfunctioned, quickly went out of control, and now can't be stopped!

The 'Florida Death Ride' at the End Of The World Theme Park in Tampa, is the longest rollercoaster ride in the world in physical length, speed, and from a duration angle, too. The ride is 2,568m long, achieves a speed - at its fastest point - of 253mph, and lasts for nearly 14 minutes - enough to make most riders want to puke.

The problem today involved a computer error which can usually be corrected manually from the ground, but, for reasons which are, as yet, unknown, the onboard computer did not respond to commands given to it. The riders, then, are at the mercy of the computer.

Emergency rescue crews who arrived at the scene were left powerless, and baffled as to what to do about the situation, as the rollercoaster careered around the rails at breakneck speed.

It is yet another case to add to the ever-growing list of concerns about 'rogue technology', and is certain to raise eyebrows at companies where 'smart tech' is produced.

In a reversal of the normal statement that "these rides are perfectly safe, and you're more likely to be killed whilst waiting for a bus", one expert gave the gloomy analysis that:

"The poor devils will almost certainly die on the ride!"

TheSpoof.com will keep you posted about any further developments on this story.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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