Harvard to Offer New Major in Pirating and Plundering

Funny story written by Dave Henry

Saturday, 14 April 2018

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Harvard University announced that it will be offering a new major next fall in Pirating and Plundering.

“Harvard is always looking to provide our students with the essential life skills they need to succeed in the real world,” said Walter Vanderbeek, a distinguished fellow who is a Distinguished Fellow and Executive Director of the Black Sam Bellamy School of Pirating and Plundering at Harvard University.

“During this time of historic crime and lawlessness in America, we feel that pirating and plundering will be skills that students will need to get ahead in the 21st Century,” said Vanderbeek.

The curriculum will feature courses like Creative Choking and Punching, Introduction to Maiming with Blunt Objects, Bombing Economics, History of Bad Guys, Modern Techniques in Swashbuckling, Advanced Karate Chopping, Theories and Concepts in Plundering, and Principles in Treasure Burial and Mapping.

Connor Barker, a current freshman at Harvard, is looking forward to switching his major from Awkward and Aloof Business Management (AABM) to Pirating and Plundering.

“I feel that I would be an effective awkward and aloof business manager as I had mastered courses in Avoiding Eye Contact, Passive-Aggressive Memos and Emails, Inconspicuous Leering, and Making People Feel Guilty for Not Working Late,” said Barker. “But I just don’t think those skills will have any application once I graduate. I need to be sensible in my choice of major.”

A recent study by McKinsey & Co. said that pirating and plundering will be the fastest growing career in America once the full effects of the Trump Administration kick in.

“It’s not like I’ll ever use my degree in Awkward and Aloof Business Management once America crumbles, but it is something unique and different that I could impress my shipmates with on deck,” said Barker.
“On the other hand, Pirating and Plundering will give me skills I can use every day to stay alive and feed my family once everything falls apart.”

Harvard is also said to be considering a new degree in Post Apocalypse Survival.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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