Written by manbrad

Thursday, 23 January 2014

In a bid to make American voters more educated about, and possibly reconsider, their decision to vote, lawmakers have passed a law requiring American voters to look at, listen to, and have a competent authority describe the politicians they will vote for before voting for them. Based on the strict abortion laws of some states that force pregnant women to undergo invasive ultrasound procedures, view images of their fetus, and listen to doctors describe the fetus in hopes of making women reconsider having abortions, the new law aims to curtail the number of politicians plaguing federal, state and local governing bodies by making voters aware of the consequences of their vote. The measure is being met with great enthusiasm by an American public weary of electing the same lying, pandering, hypocritical, degenerate, inept, stupid and lazy blowhards election after election after election.

Henry Hill, founder and director of the Project On Government Integrity, believes that like sanitary laws of earlier centuries that led to dramatically improved public health, this prophylactic measure will go far to weeding out corruption and incompetence in government by making it much more difficult for psychopaths, mental defectives, thieves and ne'er-do-wells to infect and fester in government, the mechanism created by man to improve human life. "Just because it has been so since time immemorial government does not have to be the default home of society's bottom-feeders, deviants and crooks. The putrid mass of grotesques that currently rule us isn't an inevitability. Voters, confronted unflinchingly with the harm their vote could potentially cause, can choose to vote for a better candidate, or as is frequently the case because no good candidate is available, not vote at all."

The law as constructed would cause voters in the voting booth to provisionally vote after which a video screen of the selected candidate would show an hours-long CSPAN clip of the candidate droning while a list of his or her lies, broken promises, and outright fabrications scroll past, immediately followed by a list of the candidates unsavory character traits, criminal record, divorces, DUIs and any other applicable negative attributes. At the conclusion an impartial authority figure will describe to the voter the implications of voting for a person so craven and debased he or she would actually publicly run for office.

While the new law has impressive support among the public there are detractors who point out serious flaws. Voters often experience both short and long term negative effects to being exposed to politicians. The short term effects can include nausea, headaches, and intense, uncontrollable rage. Longer term effects include depression, despondency, and an aversion to informative and educational news programs evidenced in test subjects by an increased consumption of mainstream American news programs and newspapers.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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