Reasons behind NBC's decision not to live broadcast the London Olympics revealed, dramatic events ensue

Written by Bea Shaylee Sayers

Sunday, 29 July 2012

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American station NBC refuses to live broadcast the 2012 London Summer Olympic Games. Jonathan D. Miller, the President of NBC Sports, has just announced that NBC had made a calculated choice to air sport events with 6 to 8 hours delay.

"Scientific studies have decisively shown that watching too much TV increases the risk of having a heart attack, stroke, or other serious cardiovascular problems," said Miller. "Some people even died instantly while watching TV programs, mostly sport events that induce extreme responses. NBC is a very responsible station. If we don't broadcast the Olympics live, people won't watch us. We don't want to harm people so we made this brave decision."

Many criticize NBC's decision and can't see any logic in it since people across the U.S. are in fact very angry because they can't watch the Olympics live on network TV.

"It's nonsense," told us a very agitated man from Dallas, Texas. "If NBC doesn't want me to have extreme responses they better air the damn thing right now!"

NBC has received a huge number of furious phone calls and even threats, but they refuse to yield to an angry mob.

"Only a very small fraction is unhappy with our decision. Just few millions of people or so," insisted Miller. "Millions of others decided not to watch NBC as we wanted them to. This leaves only a couple of thousand viewers still watching NBC and we appeal to them to stop right now. After all, our health is the most important thing."

Meanwhile, a sport fan from Dallas was becoming increasingly more enraged while continuing to talk about NBC. "What a bunch of idiots! Everyone else in the world knows all the results by now but we wankers have to wait till prime time!"

He suddenly reached for his weapon and started to shoot wounding five people. After firing a full round, the man collapsed and was taken to the hospital. We learned that, upon arrival, he died of a heart attack induced by extreme stress and agitation. Fortunately, five wounded people were not seriously injured and are expected to fully recover within 2-3 days. However, they all asked not to be released from the hospital before the London Olympics end on August 12 in fear of encountering another person upset with NBC.

Neither the President of NBC Sports Jonathan D. Miller nor anybody else from NBC was available for comment.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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