'Doctor Who' bollards are dropped

Written by ExiledRoyal

Friday, 24 June 2011

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Zebra Crossings: for wussies only

Plans for Dr. Who-shaped bollards outside a primary school are rejected by parents who described them as 'scary'.

The makers of the bollards said they remained "proud" of them. MD Mike Reepygran told us, "Plymouth City Council came to us saying they wanted a set of bollards outside the Primary School to dissuade kids from running into the road. What better than Dr. Who-style bollards?"

Mr. Reepygran, from Drop-a-Bollard Ltd explained the process. "We invited all of the Dr. Who actors still living to be plaster-cast, and simply increased their size to approximately three feet. This was apart from legend Chris Eccleston who didn't even need the bollards to be artificially enlarged. Gee, that guy!"

Mother Rachel Lane said: "They might work, but they are pretty scary. I think they might frighten the children. I'd prefer to see a lollipop man and a zebra crossing because the roads near the school are so busy."

Mike Reepygran is unapologetic. "Children need to get used to bollards in their lives. I mean, what kid will go through life without having to negotiate a few dozen bollards? I know I haven't."

The offending replicas have, however, since been replaced by full-size statues of Freddy Kreuger setting about a lollipop with his razor fingers. One councillor told us, "We still have a responsibility to scare the shit out of kids where road traffic is concerned."

The bollards are now for sale on eBay, currently accrue a bid of 37 pence each.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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