Written by Eurocleese De Zouch

Wednesday, 4 May 2011

In a candid moment during a meeting of the 1922 committee, George Osborne admitted that the "Yes to AV" crowd were entirely right about their hypothesis to AV.

Whilst conferring with Sir Hugh Orderly, the chap who grooms the Chancellor's favourite Cheeses into an amusing tableau, Osborne whispered "Bloody hell, I don't want to work harder as an MP, I'd rather be whipping the Gardeners at number 11 until they produce a tree that spouts Humus".

Mr Osborne continued in his diatribe against Nick Clegg.

"I occasionally break into his office after he's fallen asleep at his desk, and I get on top of a stepladder and lower myself, so that I can fart on his head. It's most amusing. After the act, you see his nose scrunch up, then he scratches himself like a Rabbit. I do the same thing with my Cook back at my Tatton constituency. It's most fun trying to humiliate people."

In a final attempt to woo the hearts and minds of the electorate, the "No to AV" campaign forced Sir Nicholas Soames to wear a Winnie the Poo costume, so that he could parade around the streets of Wandsworth ejaculating some words. Unfortunately the stunt had to be abandoned, after he tried putting the bear suit on, and the wandering young boy kept falling out of the pouch.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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