Written by ExiledRoyal

Wednesday, 15 September 2010

Following the less than grovelling admission by UK Catholic Church Supremo Archbishop of Westminster Vincent Nichols that the response to child abuse by Priests had been "poor", the Vatican has made an unequivocal and trend-setting announcement. The Pope is to take the formal, public and definitive step of personally taking the punishment so richly deserved by the "naughtiest of clergy".

At Hyde Park, instead of a "vigil", a handpicked number of those who suffered will be offered the chance to give the Pope a taste of their own medicine.

Cardinal Bruce D'Ass, Vatican spokespersonnage, said today, "It's what Jesus was about, taking the punishment of the many on Himself. But whereas Jesus died on the Cross, in this instance Pope Benedict will be Lubed and Tubed. His Holiness feels that it's the least that he can do. In fact, he's even referring to it as Penile Atonement," laughed the Cardinal.

A special consignment of Pope Oil is being flown from Vatican City, and builders are erecting a type of scaffold next to the Serpentine.

Cardinal D'Ass added, "Participants will be invited to queue, and then, using the oil provided, ensure that Pope Benedict takes one for the team. We expect that this will take up the majority of the day."

Highlights of the event will be shown on pretty much every available network worldwide.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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