In an interesting turn up for the books, it was announced that "filthy" Ann Widdecombe has just given brith to siamese triplets in a Plymouth hospital.
The triplets, named Arundle, Spherical and Squeaky Nick, were born at 8.30pm on Monday night. However, various complications arose during the birth. Doctors discovered that the three children were conjointed at the hair. Widdecombe, 62, is reported to be doing well, but she has already resorted downing a copious amount of gin and fighting with a collection of nurses. The Daily Star reported that she also requested giving birth in the speakers chair within the House of Commons, or on the Lunar surface, but it seems to have left it too late to achieve either.
The father, a former trade unionist for the Onion Alliance is reported have said "Those little buggers seem to be alright, I suppose."
The Conservatives central office have announced that Dave Cameron will only visit the former cabinet minister in hospital, if Widdecombe grows a beard and learns Latin within the next 8 days. The clock is ticking Ann.