Gordon Brown taxes fat people

Funny story written by Not The Nine O'clock News

Thursday, 25 September 2008

image for Gordon Brown taxes fat people
Prescott angry but denies he will go on hunger strike

Manchester UK: Prime Minister Gordon Brown today introduced a new tax policy on eating habits for fat bastards.

In a keynote speech from the Labour party conference in Manchester, Brown was adamant that it was a fair and just policy.

"Today we can announce that we are setting up a new PAYE scheme for fatties. Pay As You Eat. It will bring those puddings in line with the rest of us who are sick to death of fat bastards in the UK ramming excess cream buns and chocolate down their throats, whilst the rest of us have to make do with simple bread and water during the economic struggle"

Boris Johnson, the larger than life Mayor of London quickly denounced the plans and said "I say old chap, that's a bit harsh wot, just think of them poor northern oiks who like battered mars bars and lard sandwiches for lunch"

Politically Correct Party spokesperson & transsexual malefeminist, multitasking parent of eight, author and dinner lady Germaine Queer said "What about those poor bulimia sufferers who constantly puke up their food in order to stay slim? Will they get a tax rebate?"

A less than happy John Prescott was left fuming as he tried to stuff three pork pies down his throat before the deadline at 12pm "[BURP] Fuck gurdon and hish evil plansh [BURP] Nowts gonna shtop me from shtuffin me [BURP] fashe wi loads o shite [BUUURRRRPPP], better in than out I say"

Meanwhile hunger strikers around the UK were more than happy at the news. Said one thin, wastefully pathetic nonce from Belmarsh Prison "fat bastards get all the luck and food, it's about time they started to suffer like we do"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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