Cack News: Investors are asking “Where is Jack Ma?”
China’s most well-known Duck In The Box creator, and self-made billionaire has disappeared.
Jack Ma was born Fan Xiaoqin, and, as a child, he was better known as little Jack Ma for impersonating a wealthy tech executive. He changed his name to Jack Ma, and now owns major stakes in several large corporations.
On the streets, he's referred to as the Duck Man of Alcatraz.
He hasn't been seen publicly after a speech he gave at the Sunshine Summit, where he was heckled for his mass distribution of the popular Nickey Mouse and Ronald Duck dolls.
”I saw him jetting down the street at 80 miles per hour in his Lamborghini - he was in a hurry to escape,” said Mai Linh, a street peddler at the Summit.
CNC spokesman Chang Lee Fang reports that Jack Ma is not missing but “lying low” on an alien world.
A farmer in China reports that he saw Ma getting busy with his sheep when a flying saucer suddenly landed and two aliens, composed of dark matter, came out and sprayed Jack with a green liquid, turning him into a plant.
The aliens then asked the terrified farmer for a gardening pot filled with soil and a gallon of water. Shortly afterward, they departed the earth, taking Jack Ma with them.
Duck in The Box made Jack Ma a multi-billionaire. He copied America's Jack In The Box hamburger restaurant to create his version called Duck In The Box, a cost-effective hamburger restaurant that grinds leftover animal parts from China's meat industry to make the best hamburger patty anyone has ever tasted.
His company uses cattle, horse, and pig waste which include their reproductive parts, eyes, ears, hoofs, tails, and their discarded anuses to make the famous patties. Tons of leftover duck feathers from China's pillow industry are also included in the patties, to meet China's strict legal requirements against false advertisement, since they use the wording 'duck' in their trade name.
The ground protein is then mixed with acid, enzymes, and MSG to create a meat-like mulch that is molded into hamburger patties. The famous Ma Cola is made from seawater, cooked earth minerals, and synthetic sugar. Recycled, paper bag fiber is converted into synthetic starch, to make the well-loved Ducky Fries.
Unable to pass the high-quality standards of the U.S. Food and Drug Administration, he licensed his food franchise in India using the popular advertisement, 'Eat at Duck In The Box or Go Hungry'.
With an Indian population of 1,380,004,385 people, Duck In The Box became an instant sensation bringing in yearly profits of 11 to 12 billion euros per year. An entire family meal is only ₹1rupee.