The UK's first Dutch-style roundabout has had to close for three nights after it was damaged by a hit-and-run driver.
A Dutch roundabout is one which gives priority to cyclists and pedestrians with an inner ring for cars and an outer one for cyclists.
However, during the evening a car driven by Mike Annabisspliff, mounted the kerb and spun across the central reservation before heading off back where it came from.
Police managed to catch up with Mr Annabisspliff. "I was in the Dutch cafe next to the Dutch roundabout, having a couple of tokes," he explained. "Then I realised I was late for something ... though I can't remember what ... so I got in the car and hit a zebra crossing. No idea where it came from. Then I freaked out."
Police told us, "There have been no accidents at the new roundabout since it opened on July 31."
However, we discovered that the reason for this is that most people using it use the cafe first. Nobody travels faster than 4mph when they emerge from the fug.