Preston Is Full Of Granny-Killers

Funny story written by ExiledRoyal

Saturday, 8 August 2020

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Preston Grannies are Covid-19 targets

In the last couple of days the town of Preston has become the latest to lock down due to an increase in Covid-19 cases.

Mike Offsworse, councillor at Preston City Council, said it was " ... alarming to see that the under-30s are contracting it at a significant rate, so we're trying to reach them by telling them not to 'kill granny' by their behaviour."

Liverpool Council have also got in on this method of communication, with a recommendation for scallies to only rob every other house.

In East London, young people have been recommended to shoot rather than stab their victims 'from a safe distance'.

Drink drivers are now required to just tell the police if they've been drinking excessively. If a policeman tells you that they can smell alcohol, they're too close, and can be told to back off.

There has been no change in Lidl and Aldi, as customers are still able to pick their shopping up twenty feet away from the assistant, when each individual item hits the window after being scanned.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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