The last time that President Trump visited the United Kingdom, he was met with country-wide protests. In the event, he saw none of them, as he was kept well away from trouble.
"I had a great time in England," he said. "I had the biggesest welcome I can remember. Literally millions of UKers were there."
This time, Trump is set to visit Balmoral, where the Queen will be spending her summer.
"She says that she's really been looking forward to seeing me again," Trump said. "And I've been practising her song, so I can impress her."
When asked about the National Anthem, he replied, "Well, I don't know about the anthem thing. But I've learned all the words to 'Bohemian Rhapsody'. Though I don't do the head-banging. The head-banging doesn't work with my hair."
Palace insiders have told us that Her Majesty will actually still be at Windsor, and that Trump will really be meeting with Helen Mirren.
"Even betterer news," Trump continued, "is that after dinner I'm going to be personally driven round the estate by Prince Philip in his new Land Rover."