Social media users mock Guernsey Police

Funny story written by ExiledRoyal

Thursday, 6 August 2020

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Guernsey SWAT attending a Garden Fete

Guernsey Police seeks to fill nine roles for police officers, but their recruitment video has met with criticism and laughter.

"It's like Hot Fuzz with explosions detonating, armed raids and high-speed car chases," said resident Mike Jersey. "I mean, even Bergerac was hectic compared with the reality. Guernsey is dead from the toes up. Nothing happens."

Last year, there were zero murders and only one robbery. The theft came about when little Robbie Jenrick (7) nicked a Dime Bar from the Sweetie Shop in the capital, St. Peter Port. Police were called and surrounded the shop, whilst Hostage Negotiator Terry Natter talked to him through an open window. In the end, he gave himself up, and was labelled 'a Very Naughty Boy' by Guernsey Magistrates Court.

The recruitment video tells its audience to 'redefine your usual'. Mike Jersey says, "My usual is waking up every morning being deafened by seagulls, not explosions."

According to the force's annual report, police discharged Tasers on two occasions last year, and they were able to manhandle the sheep back into the field immediately afterwards.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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