Veteran Coupon Collector finally achieves his goal

Funny story written by ExiledRoyal

Thursday, 30 July 2020

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Gallons of spit later ...

For most of us, loyalty cards have become a way of life. The majority of us think nothing of adding a few points to our Nectar Card when we shop, or tot up Air-Miles as we browse the internet.

So when Charlie Dribbler achieved his goal, the entire street came out to celebrate with him.

Charlie has spent 51 years collecting Green Shield Stamps, and on Monday evening, he licked his final page-full. It's taken him four hours a night, licking for seven days a week, to finally fill up 1046 books.

Halfway through his marathon Lickathon, in March 1998, Charlie was hospitalised when the sublingual glands, under his tongue, completely dried up. These glands make saliva, and empty it into the mouth through openings called ducts. Charlie had used up a lifetime's worth of spit, and had to wait for a tongue transplant. Salvation came in the form of a labrador called Max, who had died a week before. Max's tongue was transplanted into Charlie's mouth, and he was able to continue.

To cheers from his neighbours, Charlie trundled a wheelbarrow jam-packed with Green Shield Stamp books into the street.

"I'm so made up," he told us. "I can finally get myself that 12-inch colour telly I've had my eye on."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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