Stonehenge mystery finally solved

Funny story written by ExiledRoyal

Thursday, 30 July 2020

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Stone Jenga game to be replaced by Starbucks Coffee Houses

The origin of the giant sarsen stones at Stonehenge has finally been discovered.

"Everything we thought we knew has been wrong," English Heritage's Mike Ockup told us. "For centuries, we thought that these stones were the work of our ancestors in the Neolithic past. They're not."

Researchers carried out x-ray fluorescence testing, and the results were startling and entirely unexpected.

Mr Ockup said, "What we've discovered, is that these stones were put here no more than two hundred years ago. And the reason that they were put here was to prevent the building of a super-fast railway through the area. It's actually a classic example of monumental vandalism."

Research shows that the government of the day had promised an High Speed rail link between London and the South West which would have seen early locomotives reaching speeds of up to 35 miles an hour, ploughing through the Wiltshire countryside two miles (3 km) west of the town of Amesbury, disrupting the neighbours and farm animals.

Research also shows that locals had objected and the stones had appeared 'overnight'. Whereas archaeologists had pinpointed the source of the stones to an area 15 miles (25km) north of the site near Marlborough, this has been discounted. In fact they are all that's left of a giant game of 'Stone Jenga', played by Wiltshire residents on Salisbury Plain for over three decades a few miles south of Swindon.

The stone pile has now been marked for removal, and Starbucks have indicated an interest in building four of their outlets next to each other on the site.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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