London store Arrods adopts foolproof 'Social Distancing' method

Funny story written by ExiledRoyal

Wednesday, 29 July 2020

image for London store Arrods adopts foolproof 'Social Distancing' method
World-famous Arrods in London

Whilst most shops have followed the pattern of placing tape on the ground two metres apart to ensure customers' safety, London's Arrods has adopted a different approach.

Customer Service Manager, Cedric Posher-Thanyew, explained. "We found that the 'Tape-On-The-Floor' method simply didn't work. Most of our clientele have an Uber-Entitled view of life, and believe that they should always be in front of the person in front of them. Fisticuffs are not unknown."

Consequently the World-Class Department Store went back to the drawing board.

Mr Posher-Thanyew continued, "In the end, we discovered a very simple solution. As each new customer enters our hallowed halls, we give them each a Primarni bag to carry. The very sight of one invokes a reaction whereby customers automatically recoil. Many of our customers simply freeze on the spot when they spy one. They also tend to carry their own at arm's length, between two fingers, away from their faces."

Whilst we were in the store, Lady Gloria Swank, third cousin to Prince Philip, had to be revived with smelling salts after getting too close to another client. "It was quite horrid," she complained afterwards. "Just one look at the very word 'Primarni' made me dizzy and faint. I did a little sick in my throat, and the next thing I knew, I was waking up on the Perfume Department's floor."

Arrods are now offering Hand-Stitched Bavarian Face Coverings free of charge, which include a Vomitarium layer designed to absorb small regurgitations should customers react adversely to their Primarni-carrying fellow shopper.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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