Supermarket adopts novel way to encourage Mask Wearing in store

Funny story written by ExiledRoyal

Monday, 27 July 2020

image for Supermarket adopts novel way to encourage Mask Wearing in store
Wear a mask or this will happen at Aldillidle

Whilst the four major supermarkets have said that they won't be tackling customers who refuse to wear face masks in their branches, rising German favourite, Aldilliddle, have admitted that they're going to be more decisive.

"Ve learned not to take ze prisoners during ze Second Vorld Var," Chief Executive Helmut Topper told us earlier. "Zis is vy ve are going to giff all of our employees a sqverty can of Mace. Vun false move and ve vill sqvert it in ze eyes of ze difficult customers."

Mr. Topper told us that the plan had been rolled out in Baden Baden earlier in the month, and they had achieved 100% compliance in a very short time.

"Ve found zat phenacyl chloride tear gas in a teeny-tiny aerosol spray vill very soon help zem to make up ze mind."

Mrs. T from Blackpool said that she had been to an Aldilliddle branch. "I told the store assistant that I didn't want to put a mask on as it fogged-up my glasses," she complained. "Next thing I knew, I couldn't see for the pain, my nose was running like a bus, and I was crying like a baby. You wouldn't get this in Waitbury's."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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