Local man doesn’t much like the look of guests in TripAdvisor photo of his holiday hotel

Written by Johnny Shlep

Monday, 9 September 2019

image for Local man doesn’t much like the look of guests in TripAdvisor photo of his holiday hotel
Scum: Some holidaying irritants pictured being a pain in the arse last night

A 45-year-old Whitechapel man has expressed deep concerns about the standard of some of the guests pictured staying at the 4-star hotel in Crete where he will be spending 2 weeks at the end of this month.

Toby Dell, a forklift truck driver from Vallance Road, told The East London Gazette: “I was gutted when I saw the state of them to be honest.

“The ones pictured sitting around in the lobby looked like bloody halfwits, and the receptionist wasn’t much better. I don’t want to appear racist, but I’m pretty certain she was a foreigner.

“As for the ones pictured lounging around the pool or stretched out on the beach, they looked as thick as shit, bored, and badly out of shape.

"I shouldn’t be at all surprised to learn that they were poxy northerners, from Bradford or some absolute khazi like that.

“They looked like the sort of in-your-face scumbags that would strike up inane conversations in the queue at the buffet, or approach you at the bus station, asking for help because they’re too dense to understand the timetable.

“I’m keeping my fingers crossed that the guests will be of a higher standard during my stay, and that they all have the decency to shut the f*ck up when I’m around, and stay out of my face.”

A spokesman for TripAdvisor responded last night: “We’re sorry that Mr Dell wasn’t happy with the guests in our photos. Sometimes, despite our best efforts, a number of foreign irritants and woefully out of shape, thick bastards occasionally slip under the radar.”

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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