Queen Mother's mummified stool sold for $9 million

Written by Johnny Shlep

Saturday, 7 September 2019

image for Queen Mother's mummified stool sold for $9 million
Bowel bonanza. The Queen Mum pictured in the olden days

A perfectly preserved stool believed to have been evacuated by Queen Elizabeth, The Queen Mother, during the war, has been sold at Sotheby's auction house in London to a private American buyer for a cool 7 million dollars.

The 7-inch, 14-ounce rocket was retrieved from The Queen Mother's toilet at Sandringham House by a royal flunkey who found it nestling on top of the paper in 1941 after she had forgotten to pull the chain.

The servant had the royal turd injected with embalming fluid and had kept it in a display case in his front room until his death last year when it was discovered by council workmen who handed it in to the police.

A spokesperson for the royal household told newsmen: "The Queen would have prefered to have kept her mum's roscoe in Buckingham Palace, but the money will definitely come in handy to put towards the new central heating"

This is not the first time bodily waste from one of the royals has been auctioned off. In 1994, a phial containing 40 millilitres of Prince Philip's piss fetched £9.50 at Cable Street Car Auction in Shadwell, East London, in a part-exchange deal for a Honda Civic.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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