Parliament Seizes Control of Michael Caine

Written by Johnny Shlep

Thursday, 5 September 2019

image for Parliament Seizes Control of Michael Caine

In an unprecedented move, Parliament last night voted to take control of veteran British actor, Michael Caine, and has now occupied his swish home in Beverly Hills.

Caine, 108, told newsmen last night: “I got up this morning and went downstairs to make a brew as usual, only to find Anna Soubry, Hilary Benn and Sir Nicholas Soames, sprawled out on the sofa reading the papers.

“I asked them what they were playing at only be told to, “fuck off out of it” by Mr Benn.

“I wouldn’t mind, but when I went to have my morning slash in the downstairs bog, I found that Speaker of The House, John Bercow, was in there having a shit and I had to get in the stairlift and use the one upstairs.”

It is believed that Parliament will later stage a series of votes on Caine’s future film roles; including whether to allow him to play any more fired-up old geezers who decide to shoot all the drug dealers on his council estate because they killed one of his juicehead mates.

This move mirrors an earlier parliamentary decision to seize control of Bond actor, Piers Brosnan, that was subsequently abandoned when he threatened to sing a medley of tunes from the hit musical, Mama Mia.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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