Post-Brexit Bond films to be longer due to him facing long queues at airport check-in

Written by Johnny Shlep

Thursday, 22 August 2019

image for Post-Brexit Bond films to be longer due to him facing long queues at airport check-in
"Hurry up mate, ffs! I've got a super-villain to catch"

The makers of the iconic James Bond movies have announced that they will be at least two hours longer in duration due to anticipated post-Brexit delays at passport control whenever the crack secret agent is assigned a mission at an exotic European locale.

A spokesman for Universal Pictures told newsmen: "Due to Britain's forthcoming self-imposed isolation from the European Union, we now estimate that the movies will be a lot longer than was previously the case.

"We've had to factor in Bond being held up at customs by surly and resentful immigration staff, who, no doubt, will really take their time processing his documents.

"There's also a pretty good chance that more time will be wasted when they take him behind a curtain and shove their fingers up his arse."

Foreign Secretary, Dominic Raab, hit back at the notion last night: "Yes, the films may be a bit longer, but at least we'll have blue passports again. Even if they are being made in France.

"Universal Studios need to believe in Britain a bit more, and stop talking the country down. Especially as it's not their country."

The next Bond blockbuster, Dr Non, is due out in January and features EU Chief Negotiator, Michel Barnier, as the crazed, English baby-eating, assassin, 'Backstop', who is formulating plans for a nuclear attack on Bradford from his secret underwater lair in Battersea Park.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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