Whitechapel Man Leaves Bride at the Altar for Passing Wind During Vows

Written by Johnny Shlep

Saturday, 10 August 2019

image for Whitechapel Man Leaves Bride at the Altar for Passing Wind During Vows
"Bloody hell, love! Have you unleashed?"

A 19-year-old bride was left weeping at the altar, when her 21-year-old husband-to-be stormed out of the church after the girl noisily passed wind as he placed the wedding band on her finger, during a ceremony in Whitechapel, East London last Saturday.

Shocked guests rushed to comfort the distraught bride who was last night believed to be staying at her parent’s home in nearby Plaistow.

The best man, Mr Toby Dell, 23, told newsmen last night. “It was a bit of a bad day all round really.

"I’ve been in touch with my mate since, but he insists there’s no going back. He told me that it wasn’t so much the actual fart itself that upset him, it was the way she stood on one leg and then shook the other one until she let rip.

"Not only that, but the stench afterwards was absolutely cruel. You could have cut the atmosphere with a knife, to be honest. It was a real egg and bacon job.”

The bride, who has asked not to be named, spoke to The East London Gazette briefly on the telephone last night and admitted: “Yes it was a bit unseemly given the circumstances, but I’d had a curry and a few Bacardi Breezers with my mates the night before, and what with all the pressure of the wedding, things just seemed to come to a head.

"He should be grateful I didn't bottle it up, and let fly when he was giving me a scuttling on our honeymoon night.

"I just hope he can find it in his heart to forgive me, and that we can try again at a registry office or something.”

This latest incident comes just days after a man from West Ham abandoned his wife on their honeymoon, after she left an enormous floater in the toilet bowl of their luxury apartment in St Lucia.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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