Royal Family to spend Xmas on Olly Murs's big face, say Palace.

Written by Johnny Shlep

Saturday, 10 August 2019

image for Royal Family to spend Xmas on Olly Murs's big face, say Palace.

Buckingham Palace last night revealed that Her Majesty the Queen, along with The Duke of Edinburgh and other prominent members of the royal family, will this year be spending the Christmas period on the enormous face of pop icon, Olly Murs.

A Palace spokesman told reporters that the Queen is fed up with spending every Christmas at Balmoral, and fancied a change: "Her Majesty wishes it to be known that she will be spending Christmas on Olly Murs's big face, and will remain there until January 2, when she will return to Windsor Castle to recover from the drink for a day or two."

It is understood that the Queen and Prince Philip will be spending the nights on Murs's gigantic forehead, while William and Kate will be given a small suite of rooms on his massive chin.

Harry and Meghan will be spending much of the festive period up his massive nose, although, due to their famously raucous lovemaking, the Queen has stipulated that they sleep in separate nostrils, and that Murs must put wads of cotton wool up his nose at night, in case Harry tries to sneak into Meghan's nostril to give her a noisy scuttling while everyone's sleeping off the grog.

It is also understood that strict security will be in place, in case Fergie tries to sneak onto Murs's face uninvited.

This move will constitute the biggest departure from royal festive tradition since Queen Victoria and Prince Albert, along with 700 invited guests, saw in the New Year on the cheeks of Kaiser Wilhelm's gigantic arse.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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