Internet troll blinded after emerging from dimly-lit bedroom

Written by Johnny Shlep

Thursday, 8 August 2019

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A 32-year-old London man with convictions for internet harassment was blinded by sunlight last week after leaving his poorly-lit bedroom for the first time in over 3 years

Toby Dell, unemployed from Commercial Street in Aldgate, East London, suffered retinal trauma when he opened his front door to leave for the local benefits office who had demanded an interview with him to explain why he hadn't made himself available for work since November 2014.

His mother, Tracy, 52, told The East London Gazette: "It was pretty shocking, to be honest

"Toby opened the door and then let out this scream of pain.

"I rushed over to him and asked what was wrong, and he just kept repeating, "I can't see, mum. I can't see!"

"It was quite upsetting really, although we aren't that close.

"In all honesty, I don't see much of him. I used to leave his meals outside his door, and, once a month, I'd wash one of my dressing gowns that he always wore for his sessions at the computer.

"I asked him why he didn't get a nice girlfriend but he just ignored me.

"Having said that, I did once notice a large inflatable doll in the corner of the room, dressed in a French maid's outfit."

A spokesperson for The Royal London Hospital where Dell is being treated told newsmen that he's in a stable condition and last night managed to racially and sexually abuse the plumpish one out of Little Mix using Braille.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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