I'll use my big face to create a hard Irish border, says Olly Murs

Written by Johnny Shlep

Sunday, 21 July 2019

image for I'll use my big face to create a hard Irish border, says Olly Murs
"I gotta big face"

Pop icon, Olly Murs, yesterday dropped the political bombshell that he's prepared to use his big face to create a permanent hard border between Northern Ireland and Eire, in the event that a 'no deal' situation exists post-Brexit.

Murs, whose face measures 510 miles from ear to ear, told newsmen: "I've always been a staunch leave voter, and if we crash out of the negotiations with nothing whatsoever on the table, then that's absolutely fine with me.

"Jacob Rees-Mogg assures us that we have nothing to fear by adopting WTO rules, and I have every confidence in him. After all, didn't he attend Harrow or one of those other posh schools?"

The Dance With Me star went on: "If there's no deal, I will happily block off Northern Ireland from the Republic with my enormous face, and remain there until Mr Mogg and the other Brexiteer hardliners come up with something else."

Rees-Mogg welcomed Murs' initiative last night: "It's a wonderful gesture from Olly, and one that I fully endorse.

"His massive face could prove invaluable should the EU mafia refuse to see sense. And then there is, of course, the added bonus of him being able to use his gigantic eyes to spot any blacks or illegals trying to sneak in to sponge off the state or steal our jobs."

Ironically, Murs will be following in the footsteps of his great-grandfather, Michael, whose enormous face was used by Adolf Hitler to annexe The Sudetenland in 1938.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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