An obscure delicacy in rural China, "luxury mouse" is now available in Chinese restaurants throughout the UK. It is proving very popular, and receiving rave reviews on websites such as RateMyNosh and Guzzlr.
With a thick meaty texture and a velvety but crunchy skin, its recipe was kept secret for centuries. It is now widely known that luxury mouse is, in fact, a human penis, fried in duck fat with spices.
Chef Geoff Chong said, "It used to be difficurt to find der penises. But now wiv ar der tlanssexuars evelywhere, it easy to get enough. We get about ten cocks in a week. Charge hundled pound a go. Velly easy money."
Despite his strong Chinese accent, Geoff Chong is actually from Essex. He only pretends to talk Chinese, and wears "yellowface" to help sell his takeaway food.
Yet he is one of many Chinese restauranteurs who are making money from the new trend for "luxury mouse", or as Geoff calls it, "ruxuly mouse".
However, the trend may not be able to continue. Already in some areas, there are shortages of human penises for consumption. Some restaurants are turning to pig penis, or even gorilla penis bought from cash-strapped local zoos to make into an alternative luxury mouse.
As Geoff Chong says, "We Chinamen eat any old shit!"