Binge drinkers less likely to worry about impending nuclear winter claims report

Written by Johnny Shlep

Monday, 15 July 2019

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A recent study by the Licenced Victuallers Association has found that people who drink to excess 2 or 3 times a week are far less likely to be concerned about a possible nuclear confrontation than their sober counterparts, particularly while they are actually under the influence of drink.

A spokesman for the LVA told newsmen: "Our in-depth study, conducted amongst heavy drinkers across the country, proves conclusively that people who have had an absolute skinful are far less likely to be worried about the prospect of a nuclear war than those who are stone-cold sober.

"Our advice, therefore, is for people to go to the pub and to steam into the grog as if there were no tomorrow, instead of worrying about being turned into negatives, if, for example, Trump and Kim Jong-un finally throw the toys out of the pram."

This report comes hard on the heels of a study conducted by a group of drug dealers from East London, whose findings seem to back up their claim.

Their survey among addicts in the Whitechapel area showed that people are less likely to be concerned about the catastrophic effect Brexit may have on the country if they're constantly ripped to the tits on crystal meth or ketamine.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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