Brexit Latest: Britain Stocks Up on Gruel

Written by Johnny Shlep

Saturday, 13 July 2019

image for Brexit Latest: Britain Stocks Up on Gruel

According to reports, Britain's supermarkets are stockpiling supplies of gruel in anticipation of a spike in demand for the thin, watery, flour-based product, if, as expected, Britain leaves the European Union on October 31.

Many experts predict the aftermath will set the country on the path to economic ruin and cause hardship for millions of families, triggering a switch to less expensive food options.

Gruel, once a popular staple with the impoverished working classes, has almost disappeared from supermarkets, with people preferring the more satisfying and nourishing porridge oats option.

However, with Britain predicted to career rapidly downhill to fiscal ruin, astute supermarket bosses are stockpiling vast quantities of acorn, rye and chestnut gruel in anticipation of huge demand from families unable to afford little else.

Leading hardline Brexiteer, Jacob Rees-Mogg has taken advantage of the predicted gruel boom by opening a warehouse in Warrington in order to stockpile the product with a view to cornering the market when demand begins to escalate.

"There's something very uplifting about supplying gruel to the plebian classes at a handsome profit," he told The Financial Times.

In other Brexit-related developments, some local councils are planning to convert public facilities such as libraries and swimming pools into corporation workhouses, which will be run by local businessmen and overseen by a council-appointed official, or 'Beadle'.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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