Queen summons army to quell rebellious Scots

Written by Johnny Shlep

Monday, 8 July 2019

image for Queen summons army to quell rebellious Scots

Her Majesty the Queen was at the head of a five thousand-strong army marching to the Scottish border last night.

The Queen has grown weary of Scottish dissent and repeated calls for independence from the United Kingdom, and will attempt to quell the rebellious Scots by force of arms

It is estimated that Her Majesty's army of three thousand foot soldiers, a thousand archers, and a thousand mounted yeomen will reach the border within the next few days, where they will lay waste to nearby farms and hang any Scot who refuses to swear allegiance to the Monarch.

The Scots' leader, Nicola Sturgeon MSP, issued a defiant battle cry in response last night. "If it's war the English are seeking, then we're ready, aye ready.

"They may take our oil and gorge themselves on our Tunnock's Tea Cakes, but they'll never take our freedom."

In other related news, there was a reported blunder by an estimated 500-strong battalion of the Queen's Guard, led by Transport Secretary, Chris Grayling, last night, when he led them into an attack on a Welsh fishing village by mistake.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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