Man with broom in supermarket trolley kills nine

Written by Johnny Shlep

Thursday, 4 July 2019

image for Man with broom in supermarket trolley kills nine
Shop while they drop. A trolley pictured last night

A man from Shadwell in East London was held by police outside a local branch of Lidl yesterday afternoon after the new broom that he'd placed in his trolley killed nine of his fellow shoppers.

Toby Dell, 43, from Cable Street, wreaked havoc in the store as he swung his trolley from aisle to aisle in a series of tight turns, causing the broom's handle to strike the unfortunate shoppers on the head resulting in their deaths from head trauma.

An eyewitness told newsmen last night: "He seemed totally unaware that he was killing people and lined up to pay for his shopping as if nothing had happened.

"He even had a laugh and a joke with the guy on the till when he couldn't remember his PIN number."

A spokesman for Lidl said last night: "This is most regrettable. We had a similar problem at our branch in Shoreditch the other week, when a woman killed five people with a pair of long-handled garden shears that were sticking out of the front of her trolley."

Dell will appear at Horseferry Road magistrates court tomorrow charged with manslaughter, reckless endangerment and parking in a disabled bay

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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