Woman singing in holiday market 'a complete twat', judges local man

Written by Johnny Shlep

Friday, 28 June 2019

image for Woman singing in holiday market 'a complete twat', judges local man
Gran Canaria, the paradise holiday isle where the alleged twattery took place

A 42-year-old man from Whitechapel in East London, last week made a snap judgement that a woman in her 30s that he spotted singing along to a contemporary pop song in a market on the holiday isle of Gran Canaria, was highly likely to be, 'a complete twat' in her private life.

Toby Dell, from Vallance Road, told us: "As soon as I spotted this dozy bint, singing along to the hit, I realised that the chances of her being a weapons-grade irritant and a complete twat were a nailed-on certainty.

"I was sorely tempted to tell her to belt up, and to stop acting the giddy arsehole, but I had the wife and kids with me."

Dell's outburst comes just a week after a woman from neighbouring Shoreditch told newsmen, that, in her opinion, a middle-aged woman whom she had seen gyrating slowly to a Spanish pop song in a Pingo Doce supermarket in Albufeira in Portugal, was 'a fucking silly bitch'.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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