Theresa May bombshell: My saucy romps with Morecambe and Wise

Written by Johnny Shlep

Sunday, 9 June 2019

image for Theresa May bombshell: My saucy romps with Morecambe and Wise
Bring me love. The comic duo pictured in their heyday

Departing Prime Minister, Theresa May, yesterday dropped the bombshell that she enjoyed a series of saucy sex romps with the much-loved comic duo, Morecambe and Wise during the 70s, when she was an up-and-coming figure in her local Conservative Association.

May, who formerly resigned last Friday, told newsmen: "Now that I'm free of the constraints of being PM, I can reveal that I had a series of alcohol-fuelled romps with Morecambe and Wise.

"It started one night at Southend, when I went to see them at a local theatre.

"During the show, I noticed that Eric kept looking at me. He made it absolutely clear that he wanted to take things further.

"As I was leaving, a stagehand slipped me a note, asking me to go to the boys' dressing room, and I didn't need asking twice!

"When I entered the room, Eric and Ernie were already naked and clearly pleased to see me.

"The next thing I knew, we were romping on the dressing room floor. It seemed like the most natural thing in the world.

"Over the next few years, I would follow them around the country, and would always go backstage for a drink-up and a scuttling after the show was over.

"It certainly beats running through a field of wheat, I don't mind telling you!"

May's shock revelation comes just two weeks after Shadow Home Secretary, Diane Abbott, told Hello magazine that she once enjoyed a 'threes-up' session with comic duo, Mike and Bernie Winters, in the artists toilets at the London Palladium in 1972.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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