'National Enquirer' To Be Sold To Bill Cosby

Written by Dracula

Friday, 19 April 2019

image for 'National Enquirer' To Be Sold To Bill Cosby
"Teens will be given positive re-enforcement," says Cosby.

After, months of legal wrangling, American Media Inc. has made a deal to sell the National Enquirer, following years of controversial arguments from angry celebrities.

The company announced on Thursday that it had reached an agreement with Bill Cosby, a prison inmate. The sale would include two other publications, the Globe and the National Examiner.

In a statement, Cosby said that his "long-term vision was to end the spread of negative celebrity news, and to replace it with teen fashion tips and consensual pictures needed to ensure the dignity and growth of these brands."

In a statement, AMI says Cosby wants to create a hub for his "New Age Teen Movement" through the newspapers.

With his organization "Cosby Cares", he plans to open a club called "Teen Hangout", which is a free feeding center and a YMCA-type activity center where ideas about Love and Happiness will be lectured in an attempt to help teens out of disparity. Male celebrities will be invited to mingle with and encourage virgin teens to better their lives and to have positive attitudes; they will also take them on secluded trips to Indonesia, Ghana and other cool places.

Cosby announced he intends to focus the newspaper on its teen and active lifestyle brands to stimulate the desires of young hormone-driven teenagers to live free and wild.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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