VATICAN CITY— In a show of apologetic kindness, the Vatican spokesperson, Bishop Horashio Salazar, is offering choir boys who deflowered pristine nuns in hidden church rooms a 45 percent discount on Disney merchandise sold at the Vatican City gift shops.
“It's impossible to reverse what has occurred, and it's the Vatican's wish that all the boys involved can attain peace of mind, for having knocked-up virgin nuns from our convents, by enjoying a discount on Disney hats, T-shirts, and other merchandise at our holy gift shop," said spokesperson, Salazar. He also pointed to the fact that the boys could later sell the merchandise on eBay for a profit.
Salazar also encouraged the boys to tour the Vatican City, and "to appreciate the splendor of St Peter’s Square, designed by baroque master Gian Lorenzo Bernini." After refueling with some cold grape juice, produced from the Vatican vineyards, Salazar says they will be ready to go, to wander down to St Peter’s Square. They will be given a free lunch at which time they will be asked to go back home and to never return.
Salazar ended his news briefing by affirming that the church will take every measurable step to prevent this sort of debauchery from ever occurring again.