Professional troll Katie Hopkins has revealed that she suffers from recurring nightmares about rabies. She has had the disturbing dreams for years, but cannot remember when they started. In her monthly column for the Daily Shitstirrer, she moaned about it to readers, at insufferable length.
"The dream always happens the same way," she scrawled. "I'm in France or Belgium or some other horrible country and a cute brown dog comes up to me. I start petting it for some reason - I normally hate dogs - but then it bites my hand and gives me rabies. Afterwards I always wake up in a sweat."
Ms Hopkins, 52, does not suffer from actual rabies, according to television physician, Dr Geoff Doctor. "I've seen her on TV many times," said Dr Doctor, "I don't think she's got it."
Symptoms of rabies include drooling, violent movements, uncontrolled excitement and confusion. Many people assume Katie Hopkins has rabies because of her frequent outbursts of hatred, disgust and anger against almost everything, but particularly foreigners.
However, as Dr Doctor explained, "Rabies doesn't work like that. A rabid hate-filled lunatic such as Hopkins would be easy to diagnose if she did have the disease."