Written by Dave Henry

Friday, 23 March 2018

image for Army Forgets Weapons, Loses War

The small European nation of Chevroni lost its war with the middle eastern nation Texico last Sunday after forgetting to bring the weapons.

"It happens," said Chevroni General Stephen Stanford. "We had them all ready to go, but then things got crazy, we were running late, and the next thing you know, we forgot them."

Chevroni leadership didn't realize that they left the weapons home until they got to the war zone.

"We ended up making it on time, but when we got there and went to unload the transports, we realized there were no weapons," said Stanford.

Stanford took responsibility for the miscue.

"Listen, I could sit here and make excuses, tell you I had three Majors call in sick, tell you that my alarm didn't go off, but I'm not going to do that. Ultimately, the buck stops here -- it was my fault," said Stanford.

Stanford said it's one of the potential hazards of fighting on the road.

"When you're fighting a war at home, it's obviously much easier. But road wars are tough. You have to be prepared and we weren't," he said.

Chevroni was forced to forfeit the war. It was their first war loss.

"We had been on a really good roll, so while this is disappointing, we feel like we're still a good army," said Stanford.

For Texico, it was their first win in three wars.

"It's not how we hoped to get the victory, but a win is a win," said Texico General Andre Torkelson. "We'll take it."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: War

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