'Heartless' thief steals Disability Scooter

Written by ExiledRoyal

Thursday, 28 May 2015

image for 'Heartless' thief steals Disability Scooter
West Midland Constabulary 'Scooterblock'

A heartless thief broke into the property of locally named Spack McCrackin, in Cradley Heath, West Midlands, and 'fled' on the £2,000 machine.

Det Con Stirling Moss said: "This is a very upsetting case as one person's thoughtless crime as left the victim housebound and deeply distressed. The owner relied heavily on his mobility scooter to get about after a failed operation last year and this is a new, devastating blow for him."

Eye witness Eddie Twatbroker told The Spoof, "I watched as the thief smashed through the side wall of the house and sped away, often reaching speeds of up to 4mph. You could see him being chased by a copper on a bike, but he out-manoevered him through the traffic bollards."

Police have released CCTV footage of the thief heading for open ground behind the victim's house. They can be seen trying to stop the man by throwing a 'stinger' into his path, but due to his speed they missed, throwing it far too early, and he simply drove round it.

He was last spotted doing 8mph on the inside lane of the M1. Police say his life was in serious danger, particularly on the three occasions he pulled into the middle lane to overtake women drivers.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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