Written by ExiledRoyal

Wednesday, 27 May 2015


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image for Don't masturbate or your hand will get pregnant
Wank-Free gloves

Men who masturbate have been given a dire warning by a Muslim televangelist who claimed live on TV that they will find their hands PREGNANT in the afterlife.

Mucahid Cihad Han made the bizarre statement in a question and answer session on a radical Muslim channel.

"Those who have sexual intercourse with their hands will find their hands pregnant in the afterlife, complaining against them to God," he asserted.

Mr. Han's 12,000 Twitter followers have responded with pictures of their hands being tied behind their backs as evidence of 'no Handky-Pandky'. They are also bulk-buying pairs of Boxing Gloves, which make it "virtually impossible to grip your privates", said Mr. Han.

However, the makers of Marigold Gloves have reported a 3000% increase in sales to Mosques in the UK.

Marigold spokespersonnage, Marie Gold, told The Spoof, "It's what our gloves are made for. We're in the process of bringing out a ribbed variety, and a thin one for extra sensitivity. Also we're introducing a thicker 'Left Hand' for ass-play. Muslims can now entertain themselves at will, with no fear of pregnancy or self-inflicted STD's."

The latex gloves will also be available in different colours, and flavours, although 'Bacon' is thought to be excluded on religious grounds.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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