Cliche-ridden Cameron confuses Commons

Funny story written by ExiledRoyal

Thursday, 29 November 2012

image for Cliche-ridden Cameron confuses Commons
Absence makes the heart out of sight, out of mind

Prime Minister's Questions took a turn for the worse today where an under-performing David Cameron resorted to cliche rather than avoidance.

Generally speaking it is an M.P.'s right not to answer questions directly. Even the simplest requests for straight 'Yes' or 'No' answers are overlooked in favour of prevarication, fudging and sometimes complete crap.

Today, however, Cameron took his colleague's, and the country's, breath away with a dazzling display of nonsensical cliches which seemed to contradict each other.

In response to questions regarding his place in the Leveson Inquiry into Press Standards the P.M. began sweating. This was particularly evident when his relationship with flame-haired Rebecca Brooks, ex-Chief Executive Officer of News International, was brought up.

An immediately flustered Cameron began fighting for altitude. "Look before you leap. He who hesitates is lost."

"Well which is it?" shouted the Beast of Bolsover, Dennis Skinner. "Didn't you hesitate before you leapt?"

"Two heads are better than one," retorted a rapidly-reddening Prime Minister. "If you want something done right do it yourself. As I've always said, 'Nothing ventured, nothing gained'. Better safe than sorry."

"So did you get into bed with Brooks or not?" shouted Skinner, warming to his task, and throwing in a couple of cliches himself.

"I did. Many hands make light work. And I didn't. Too many cooks spoil the broth."

Cameron continued, "It's never too late to learn, you know. I mean to say, you can't teach an old dog new tricks."

At this point Commons Speaker John Bercow intervened, "Gennulmen," (a clear reference to the way tough guys in movies address other tough guys), "I want this sewn up tighter than a puckered asshole."

At this point the correspondent switched channels to the relative sense of The Jeremy Kyle Show.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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