Unlucky Football Team Call It A Day, Luckily For Them...

Funny story written by Scooter Nairns

Saturday, 5 September 2020

image for Unlucky Football Team Call It A Day, Luckily For Them...
"Right, it's your turn to go in goal... "

The most jinxed team in world football have decided, after playing in the Sunday Amateur leagues, to call it a day.

Inter Mill-inn, who joined Scottish Division Two 15 years ago, and who were promoted in their first season, have had endless bad luck - and not just their results.

Their portacabin, which was used as changing rooms, was burnt to the ground as they played an important Cup Game. Their £12,000 minibus broke down on a bridge at Killearn, and was wiped out by an oncoming HGV. Their strips, that were donated by a local businessman, were stolen from the pub where they go to drown their sorrows.

The Manager and captain of the team were both struck down by Covid-19, and bizarrely, in the first league game of 2020, a running brawl saw 9 of their players sent packing.

Having begged the local community for new players, it looks like no-one wants to risk getting involved. Who can blame them?

"It's been a disaster since we won the league in our first year. We got relegated the next year, and it was all downhill from there. I think somebody may have cursed us," said a tearful manager, Stevie Rowan.

Freak accidents have been rife, with the players running on those council pitches. Broken ankles, endless sprained wrists for the keeper, and some players have even been cut on glass.

The saddest story was goal-machine Stuart Campbell having a nervous breakdown after rounding the keeper, and then claiming the ball was cleared away by ghosts that chased him all the way from the ground.

FIFA have claimed they aren't nearly as unlucky as Rangers.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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