Man United Captain Harry Maguire Has Coronavirus Immunity

Written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 20 March 2020

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The five delicious flavours available

As scientists raced to find a cure for the deadly Coronavirus yesterday, hope for humanity sprang from an unlikely source, when it was announced that Manchester United and England defender, Harry Maguire, had shown an immunity to the plague.

Maguire, 26, who cost United £80million when he moved to Old Trafford from Leicester last summer, has been working to develop a 'special potion' in his shed ever since the Premier League announced its shutdown, last week.

Armed with all the knowledge he could gather from the internet, Maguire set about his task with gusto, working day and night, in a bid to save the world.

On Tuesday, came the breakthrough he'd been hoping for.

Maguire said that, after trials on neighbour's pets, he was proud to be able to reveal a linctus that provided immunity to Covid-19. A spoonful before breakfast, and another at bedtime taken for 7 days, will provide a lifetime of immunity from the killer virus.

NOTE: Maguire has declined to make the specific details of his discovery known to the general public until he has consulted officials at the World Health Organisation (WHO), and had an opportunity to negotiate a multi-trillion pound deal for the development and production of the medicine.

The only details the United captain was prepared to release, were the name of the linctus - Corona - and that it comes in several delicious flavours: lemonade, dandelion, spring water, gnats piss, and sarsaparilla.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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