Harry Maguire Warned About Xmas Carol Singing Nuisance

Written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 3 December 2019

image for Harry Maguire Warned About Xmas Carol Singing Nuisance
Fuck off, we're out, y'twats!

The festive season is well-and truly upon us, and not without an early controversy, as Manchester United and England central defender Harry Maguire and his girlfriend Fern Hawkins have upset some of their neighbours with their own particular brand of carol singing.

The pair had, for several nights, been traipsing around their locality in duffle coats, woolly hats and scarves, clapping their mitten-clad hands together, and chuckling at being able to 'see' their breath in the cold evening air, as they annihilated various popular Christmas songs.

Their neighbours, however, are not the sorts to seek out confrontation, especially when a brick shithouse is on the other side of the front door, and most stayed silent, pretending they were out.

Some, however, were caught out.

Stanley Wencelas, 58, said:

"I didn't realise it was him. I thought it was some kids messing about, singing in stupid out-of-tone voices. They were in the middle of 'Silent Night'. It was awful."

Two doors away, Mary Giblet, 49, was also suckered. She said:

"They were singing 'I Saw Three Ships Come Sailing In', but they didn't seem to know any more words, and were either making them up, or humming. I told them to get lost."

United manager, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, said:

"I think it's just high spirits. He's been singing around the dressing room as well. 'Once in Royal David's City', and 'Hosanna In Excelsis'. I even heard him singing 'Little Donkey' in the showers!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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